the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
