girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
