guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
