I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
