Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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