Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
