I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
