I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
