I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
