I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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