dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
