i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
