let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
