and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
