WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
3pm strippers are depressing
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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