The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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