Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
