I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
