Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
