A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
