you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
