yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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