Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we're so committed to being not committed
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