My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
