ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
