my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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