My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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