Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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