The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
