If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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