Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
