first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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