maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
