I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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