found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
