theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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