for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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