There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
