Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
