I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
