Me. At least after what I've been through.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
