She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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