hotel room ftw
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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