My liver just broke up with me...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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