conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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