"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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