I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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