i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
