I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
