they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
